Meme Gallery

• By Heather Ferris

place your pets, pleaseYou know you need a vacation when you flip over your cards and instead of calling out an 8 you say, 'Dealer has a 53'.....Dealing looks better thank it smellsWinning - In the casino, this is the only machine that consistently pays out.How do I know you're an awful card counter? Because you're trying to count cards on a table which has a continuous shuffling machine.We enjoy gambling. Let's try this new game Chat Roulette.Player-I'm counting cards. Do you think the casino will care? -- Dealer- You've lost $2,000 in 2 hours. Na, go ahead and keep counting.If String Theory does exist, then in what dimension do I hit the jackpot?This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for E.O.'s, Georges, tokes and for my 20 min. break every hour which keeps me from strangling my players.Yes, I can see you picking your nose and wiping those boogers on the cards.. And so can everyone else in this casino.Medicine Bottle Warnings -- The side effects of dealing table games may include -- Thickening of the skin -- An increase in sarcastic remarks -- Warning - Alcoholics may intensify these effectsProfit -- Turning a cheap and addictive video game into an expensive and addictive slot machine.You might be a craps dealer if... Your kid asks you what 3 plus 6 is and your response is 'I'll give you 10, drop me a dollar.Luck always seems to be against the man who depends on it.Do you have any Imodium on you? No. Why? IBS? No... EDR.Gambleholic - You know you have a problem when the dealer says, 'We haven't seen you in a while' and you were there just last night.You know you've been dealing in Las Vegas for a long time when half of the casinos on your application have been imploded.You know it's unlucky to be superstitious... Right?My player was pissed and screamed 'Hey! Why did my bet on odd lose? Isn't zero an odd number?Player wins $23,000 and happily exclaims 'Name your tip! It can be anything! Dealer shrugs and replies 'Okay, I want $23,000'.People shouldn't be charged a ton of money for an inferior education that provides the job they need to put food on the table.3 songs that casinos should never play - Another one bites the dust - Bad Day - LoserAnything interesting happen today? A pimp got arrested for money laundering and I had a couple of card counters. So a typical day? Yeah.Everybody has a strategy that they think works. Yet, it's the casino's strategy that's the only one actually raking in money.I only sign the E.O. List on the days that end in 'Y'.A dealer's bad day is dumping to a stiff and killing a George.Craps, it's a MondayThis could be yours if you let me win! -- $0.25There are many strategies for how to win at roulette and the strategy that wins the most is to pick a number and pray.I just came in to visit my money that I lost here last week.And that's why I don't play blackjack... Terrible odds. What game do you like to play then? Let-It-Ride.The first time I heard of a 'Rainbow Bet' I thought... Then I saw what an actual 'Rainbow Bet' looked like.Casino dealers have groupies too! And they love to talk about their Viagra!If I bet on every single number, then no mater what hits I break even!--Actual math--Dealer's facepalm.6 to 5 vs 3 to 2Anyone can deal blackjack. The real test is whether you can handle the players or not.Best Moment Ever - Your favorite celebrity is playing at your table. -- Worst Moment Ever - You realize they're just another asshole.I'm the relief dealer on Let-It-Ride, 3 Card Poker and Big 6... Somebody kill me now.K, this is my last hand. -- Seriously?!? How can my player really keep calling that his last hand if he's been doing that for the past few hours?You took all of my money! Now how am I supposed to pay for my cab ride home?!? -- After drinking and gambling for the past 9 hours, why would you wait until you were completely out of money before thinking about a cab ride home?A player sits down on a dead table with no money. He starts talking to the dealer about how wonderful his new blackjack system is and how he wins every time. After a few minutes of this, the dealer responds 'If this system is so wonderful, then how come you're not playing and winning right now?Player lost all of his money and screamed 'Ridiculous!' No... what's ridiculous is he paid $500 to continue playing.I can safely say that dealing table games is one of the most interesting jobs I've ever had. No two days are exactly the same.Players win all of the time. Whether they actually get to keep their winnings depends on if they leave the table or not.